Friday, December 12, 2008

I was going to write a serious blog

Really. This was going to be a serious entry, but I don't feel like making people read something serious. Not that many people read this blog, but still. Exam week is not the time for serious things. Exam week is the time for ordering pizza and watching Arrested Development marathons.

And studying. That too.

I'm trying to figure out if CSI is on. I used to watch that show with one of my former roommates, and she kinda got me hooked on it. After I stopped cringing, that is. I can be a bit squeamish. Spike usually shows marathons of it, so I just turn it on and let it play. But right now they're showing wrestling. Boo hiss. No CSI fix for me.

I dreamed I had a baby last night. It was really disconcerting. I was never pregnant or went into labor or anything. I just woke up (in the dream) and P was like "'s our son." And I was like "Whoa...crap." We named him Charles Ian Nicholas Trevathan. Which is weird, because Ian isn't even on our list of names. (I know...we're not even married and we've already thought about baby names...better to think about it now. At some point I'll tell the story of how my parents picked out my name.) But yeah.

That isn't the first time I dreamed about having a baby. I once had a dream that we had triplets, and I was still asleep when they wrote the names on the birth certificates. So P named them Gertrude, Catalina, and...I think the third one was Hortense or something ridiculous like that. And then he didn't know why I was mad. He thought he did a good thing. Thank goodness he's so much smarter than that in real life.

Although he did sleep through his alarm and slept through an exam again. And he might read this entry, which makes me feel bad, but I do need to talk about it and get the angst out of my system. He has to take the class again, making it the third time, and he absolutely hates the class, so he's going to be miserable. And I'm sad because I've been working super hard in my classes so I can graduate on time and get better grades in case I want to get my master's later on, and he slept through an exam. Again.

It's also disappointing that I do my best to spend as little money as possible, and I took the only job I could- working at 7am in the lobby of my dorm. I have to get up early every morning and sit there for less than minimum wage. I make very little, but I have over $200 saved up so far, just from this semester of eleven hours of work a week. And he hasn't saved up anything. But he bought an Xbox 360 and a bunch of games (and video games can be really pricey.)

I just don't know. I just hope he's not mad at me for writing this. I love him to death and I'm so happy we're getting married. But I can't help but feel a little resentful that I put so much pressure on myself to make sure we're prepared to get married and give up so many things I want because I'm thinking about what's best for us, and while he does think about our future, he doesn't feel the pressure that I do and therefore doesn't feel the obligations to give things up.

I don't know. Is this a guy's thoughts vs. girl's thoughts kind of deal? Or is it a typical engaged couple thing? I know financial problems are a major strain on married couples, so that's something we should work through before we're married. But really, I don't know how to talk to him about it. We kind of have, but I felt so guilty that I let it drop before we reached a real conclusion.

To put it a little differently- I used to buy $30-$80 worth of fabric and sewing supplies every month. I started cutting back, but last summer I made a conscious effort to stop. I didn't buy anything sewing related for about two months, and now I go shopping just when I need it, and usually just for one project at a time. I wish he would make the same choice with his video games. I did it because I love him, and I want us to not start our married life without any money at all. I want him to make the same choice for me.

So this did turn into a serious post. Not the serious post I intended, but still. Oh, well. I feel a little better now, at least.

Also, I think P should start a blog. It would be fun. He would never rememeber to update, but it would be fun.
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