Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Audition Purgatory: Day #3 Part II: A saga of much emotion

So sometime after 9am, the callbacks list came out. Courtney told me.

I was called back for General Cartwright in Guys and Dolls and Miriam in Beau Jest.

Not Adelaide.

I was devastated.

I sat down and stared blankly at my phone (I've been using the internetz on my phone...sorry, Mum...) and just dry-heaved for a while. Not only was I not called back for Adelaide, but the three girls who were have all had lots of leads here- I mean, seriously. Between the three of them, ten or so leads. And then there's me: the theater major, the scholarship student, the belter. Am I called back? No.

But you see, this is where my resolve formed. It's my last semester, right? My last round of auditions. I'm never going to audition for these people again. And my mother always taught me that it never hurts to ask.

So I tied my wet hair in a ponytail, grabbed up my keys, and marched over to Mike's office.

My resolve faltered for a while, because I ran into Lucas. He's a good friend, and a sweet guy, and when he asked me what was wrong, the waterworks started up. And then they started up again when Deb came in, and I got a little hysterical, and she was like, "Seriously, go talk to Mike. I called you back for Beau Jest." (She didn't say it like that, but you get the picture.)

So I walked the walk of the damned...I mean, down the Mike's office. And his wife and his youngest son were there. I actually felt better having them there, because I felt like Mike would be a ton less likely to give me bullcrap with Mindy in the room. And right then and there I told him, "Please give me a callback. Please give me a chance. I can play this part."

And he said, "Take this pen and write your name on the page. You have a callback for Adelaide."

It took everything in me not to scream and dance for joy. Seriously. You have no idea how amazed and grateful and joyful I am right now. This is my chance.

Mike told me that I wasn't initially called back because he saw me as a perfect General Cartwright. Which translates as "that character fit the box he put me in, and he had pretty much already cast me." And while it's great to get cast at all, I know I can play Adelaide. I can sing all of her songs. I can do her voice. I understand her character. I can belt up to an E, for heaven's sake. And he doesn't know that.

Mike told me flat out, "You're fighting an uphill battle." Which translates as "you're probably not going to get the part." And if, at the end of the day, I am cast as General Cartwright in Guys and Dolls and Miriam in Beau Jest, so be it. It'll be fantastic. I'll work hard and I'll do a great job. Because screw it, I'm talented. I can play those parts.

But I have a chance, a slim fighting chance, to play a part that I was born for. I CAN PLAY THIS PART. I can bring something new to the table. I mean, the Lipscomb audiences have seen Shannon, they've seen Ashley, they've seen Courtney. They're nothing new. Sure, they're great, for the most part, but no one has seen me. No one has truly seen what I can do. For all that's holy, Mike has never seen what I really, truly can do. He put me in this box without knowing what I'm capable of. And besides, these girls have gotten their times to shine. And for Shannon and Courtney, they'll have more time. For me, this is my final opportunity to show everyone, once and for all, that dammit, I am a good actress.

So on Thursday night, at seven o'clock, I am going to saunter into the theater like I own the place. I am going to be completely prepared for whatever scene or song Mike asks me to perform. I will be confident and brassy and saucy and spunky. And I will do my absolute best.

And who knows? Maybe I'll be Adelaide. Maybe I'll be Miriam. Maybe I'll be General Cartwright. Maybe I'll be Adelaide's understudy.

All I want is a chance. And I don't care if it's an uphill battle for a .00001% chance that I'll get the part. It's still a chance, right?
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